While taking a leisurely drive along the East Coast this Sunday or Monday, and you start to feel queasy, cancel Christmas! As some of you may have heard, Russia launched a Mars probe a few months back called Phobos-Grunt. It’s destination was the Mars moon Phobos, and it’s goal was to land on the surface, conduct tests, and return to Earth. However, this was not to be because after launch, the craft had problems with it’s boosters and ended up stuck in the Earth’s orbit. Russian scientists had a three day window to fix the problem, but were unable to. So now the craft is part of a LONG list of Russian Phobos failures (not to mention hella space junk!)

There are several theories about this mission. One of which from Russia’s very own Roscosmos chief, Vladimir Popovkin, who went so far as to suggest that someone had sabotaged the probe.

“It would not be desirable to accuse anybody, but today there are very powerful means of influence for space vehicles which cannot be excluded,” he said in an interview with the Russian daily Izvestia, translated by ABC News. He gave no specifics, and sources say the U.S. government, mildly offended, stopped helping the Russians track their errant probe in its final days.

1. There has been speculation that Phobos wasn’t a moon, but something “made to look like a moon/rock”, thus suggesting that perhaps it was a giant “alien base”. Check this out: http://www.rense.com/general20/eisenhowerWH.htm 

2. Russia has tried 19 times many times to send probes to Phobos and failed. That is scientific fact that anyone could look up. They all failed for one reason or another, but there are no eye witnesses as to why they failed. We only what we are told. We don’t know if perhaps they fail because they are intercepted and destroyed by aliens. Although, we’ve sent satellites past Phobos and took detailed pictures, and that didn’t get shot down. But if these aliens are monitoring us, then they know our intent wasn’t to LAND as the Russians intended.

3. That the Phobos-Grunt probe was never intended to go to Phobos, and that it didn’t suffer from rocket booster failure. That it was placed into orbit by the Russians and Chinese, with the intent that it would fall to Earth.

Big deal right? Not so fast. NASA and ISS astronauts have conducted tests over the years on bacteria in space and found that it actually grows at a very rapid rate for some reason. If this thing falls to Earth, it most likely will hit water because most of the Earth is comprised of water. Very rarely does a satellite or space junk actually hit populated areas. It’s by sheer luck that they do. Usually the craft burns upon on re-entry. We’ve been told by the Russians that this craft is LOADED with fuel, which was to propel it to the Mars moon. But the fuel isn’t likely to cause environmental harm because it will burn up in the atmosphere along with most of the craft. Notice I said “most”?

Well, it just so happens that Russia had plans to not only investigate Phobos, but play chemistry while visiting. They wanted to see how bacteria responded during it’s journey, and maybe leave some on the surface for kicks. What the media oddly never mentions, is that there are many different types of bacteria onboard, some of which are toxic! Oopsy! It just so happens that the compartment carrying these samples is heavily protected by heat shields so that they survive re-entry once the cargo returns. Fair enough right?

Did you happen to catch the part where I said that bacteria grows faster than a 12 year old’s boner while in space? Did you also catch the part where I said this thing has been trapped in orbit for several months, and that the only part likely to survive re-entry was now filled to the brim with toxic bacteria? One of which is associated with Anthrax! So it this another failed attempt by the Russians? Or perhaps a probe that was purposely disabled by aliens monitoring the launch, so that it never reaches their secret base? Or is it a highly deadly weapon of mass destruction set to destroy half the world’s population, making Russia the new “Kings of the World”?

We shall see this Sunday! If that bacteria brimming petri dish of a cone comes crashing down in Manhattan, don’t say you weren’t warned.

Sources: The Guardian UK, ABC News, YouTube, AboveTopSecret.com, Project Camelot